Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
