i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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