Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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