She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
