On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
