apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
