im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
