What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
