Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
