whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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