I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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