my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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