The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
