dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
