whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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