a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
