someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
