dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
