He kissed a someone with a penis
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
