i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
