Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So apparently I’m into choking now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
