Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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