what day is it and did you see me today?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
