my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
