Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
