I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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