i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
