you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
