So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
