Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
