I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
