Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
