he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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