Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
