I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
