Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
