dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
