I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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