Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just found puke in my bra..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
