Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
