HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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