he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
