After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
