i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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