Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
