i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
