i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
