i think my tv is drunk
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
