Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
