Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
