I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
